your considerably disgruntled antonym

Lately my memory has failed me so much and so often,
I would not be surprised if I forget even how to spell my own name .
It has happened before ...
I need a release . I need a break, a vacation .
A trip somewhere far away from home, from reality .
" I think I'll go to Boston ... " I do .
I just, in the very least, need some way to know for a change
what it is I really need in the first place .

" Everything is changing,
you're looking for the [Agno]cure [xP] ...
Trouble in your head now,
don't know what to do .
Feels like up is down and red is blue ...
Now you're getting older,
nothing feels the same .
You can't even makes sense of your own name . "
~ Red is Blue - Ben Folds ~

Give me a break . I'm in over my head, obviously .
Too bad I never did anything about it before ...

Sshh, help me .
Oh gahd, I can never think up anything brilliant
anymore these days .. because of this frikin-ay
nerve-wracking time limit that certainly
does nothing to help my already fragilely
border-line maniacal state . For the love of Gahd !
Help me out of this pit she has dug for me ...
As they are filling it in as we speak, soon enough
it will be simply a pit no longer, but will
turn into a grave for this anyhow-wasted life of mine .
My grammar ? Faulty, I know .
You try falling in love with your considerably disgruntled antonym,
and then show me how your grammar works out for you .

So I was mistaken .
But I cannot simply ignore these thoughts .
" Who has to know the way she feels inside ?
Those thoughts I can't deny ?
These sleeping dogs won't lie !
And all I've tried to hide is eating me apart .. "
~ Dirty Little Secret - AAR ~

The thoughts of you constantly remind me
of how my time as a figment of sanity
is ticking away, ticking away, ticking away ...