agnostic curiosity

. . . . . 1 author .
x 17 = 17 months .
x 17 = 289 posts .
/ 17 = 17 questions .
/ 17 = 1 blog .

This is a story of a sole number,
and how it totally changed my life .
This is a story of stunted growth .
This is a story of trying to find myself,
to riddle out the shadow of my identity .
This is a story of discovering the world,
of learning more about religion and belief .
This is a story of struggling to get by
in a world which restricts all freedoms .

But above all, this is a story of love .
This is a story of never giving up;
of reaching for what you want,
even when no one, not even yourself,
believes you deserve the right to have it .
This is a story of being torn
between the people who accept you
and the people who make you happy .

Find the secrets hidden within .

tickle me turquoise

Why did I fail to finish my blog
when I so affirmed I most certainly would?
Do you want to know the real reason?
The hard, cold truth?
Because I was lost.
I had lost myself,
become lost in my work;
then when my work was lost,
I became lost in the world.
And I was losing hope,
until, like I said in the poem
I worked so hard writing
but have nothing to show for it,
it reached such an unbearable significance
that I stopped caring about
what used to matter to me above all.
And, as was expected
yet unpredictable,
when I stopped caring whether
I gained my life back,
it walked straight into my arms.

In any case, today's date adds up to 17,
so I suppose it will make for an adequate substitute .
And I shall provide a bonus post afterward,
for compensation .

~~~~~

The worst feeling in the world is forgettance,
of anything, good or bad .
So above all, always just remember .
Remember what ? Everything .
Only your memory lives on,
so make it a good one .

Please, please .
For the love of gahd and all that is good and holy,
please .

Make memories while you can,
save every happy thought,
create limitless remembrances;
so that you can look back,
when your life lacks that excitement
of which it once was so full,
when your days have lost that spark
which used to make them so worthwhile,
and you can smile to yourself,
and cry, and laugh, and say, oh,
so this is what life is all about .

Just as I am doing now .
When it seems I have begun to resort
to that attitude I had back then
that led to such disillusionment,
dispute and disconcertion,
I suddenly think of my blog
and all of my work, and I say,
oh, how silly of me .
My life subsists not in the present,
or perhaps not even in the future,
but always yet here in the past .

~~~~~

You really make me wonder,
whether in truth I should be missing you .
But I see you with him,
and I bite my lips,
and I grit my teeth,
and a firm grasp enlivens my fists,
and I say, never mind .

Amores, para siempre .
Forever, your silent love .

a dare and a dollar

Never could you imagine
how it feels to a writer
to have written so much,
and to have it taken away .
Just like that, in the blink of an eye .

And to be sitting there,
waiting for it to come back,
wondering if you would ever
see those words again,
just as they were before .

And to be in such a state of panic,
not knowing whether to pray,
or to cry, or to smash the screen in,
and to just have to watch
as all of your work from the past hour
is gradually,
painstakingly laggingly,
lost .

And then to think you have yet
another chance, and to have that
stolen from you, erased
before your very eyes .

And to realize you must face
the choice, of starting all over again,
and having to strain your memory
to try to get every little detail just right,
or letting it go, and feeling the guilt
for the rest of your life .

Ironically enough,
this was because Blogger was
inserting a new feature :
automatic saving .
every minute .

So if I would have simply
waited one more hour to begin,
there would be no problem .

I suppose I will start all over again now,
as I do not want to have to face another
disappearance, like that of the
rain comment, again .

It might not be perfect,
but I will try my best
to make it pretty d4mn close ...

~~~~~

[ post finished, from here onward, on May 23, at 4:32 p.m. ]

" I have a right to my anger,
and I don't want anybody telling me
I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be,
and that something's wrong with me
because I get angry . "
~ Maxine Waters ~

The pledge ...
Often the one serene thing that gets me through each day .
The one thing that never changes, that endures time .
The one thing I can trust, can count on .

When I reenter reality just in time
to sight the doleful tragedy of tears,
I pause and wish I could do something
other than sit, and watch, and wonder
whether it could be any simpler,
or any more insufferable .
I smile, imagine, and think of a time
when we can share this empathy,
a time that will never come .

~~~~~

I should be ticked off..
I should be frustrated..
I ought to break down crying...
But I think I'm finally happy.

" He was not happy . He was not happy .
He said the words to himself .
He recognized this as the true state of affairs .
He wore this happiness like a mask
and the grrl had run off across the lawn
with the mask and there was no way
of going to knock on her door and ask for it back . "
~ Bradbury 12 ~

How true .
Oh ..
just oh,
how true .

My birthday means something more now ...

i noe somting u don't noe

Quotes much, in this one, all at once .

It has come to my attention
that the OA library has
Who Moved My Cheese ? for Teens
if you are interested .

Happy belated to Pri,
and an early happy to Lauren .

" I can't live a life where
every time I see you with a faraway look,
I'll wonder if you're thinking of him . "
~ Ian, Desperate Housewives ~

It resonates from the deepest, darkest depths of dissonance .

" I'm seventeen and I'm crazy .
My uncle says the two always go together .
When people ask your age, he said,
always say seventeen and insane . "
~ Bradbury 7 ~

Impressed yet ?

~~~~~

A Quick, or at least Fairly Brief, Review of Siddhartha :

" Whither will my path yet lead me ?
This path is stupid, it goes in spirals,
perhaps in circles, but whichever way it goes,
I will follow it . He was aware
of a great happiness mounting within him . "
~ Hesse 97 ~

This story is very similar to that of Gilgamesh;
which is probably the reason we read them
around the same time, and practically both together .

The main difference is that this one is much longer .
And it spans over many, many more years .
And it is obviously about a different culture .

Which one did I like better ?
It is hard to say .

Siddhartha made use of the ever-useful
quotation marks .

Therefore, I think I will choose Gilgamesh .
Wait ...

Gilgamesh has nine letters .
Siddhartha has ten .
Ten is closer than nine to seventeen ...

Hmm . Which one was written first ?
Gilgamesh .

I could go on for quite the while,
listing the pros and cons of each ...
But frankly, I do not think it is worth the time .

Allow me to end by saying
that parallel structure is my best friend .
And Hesse definitely made use of that .

I also loved his tendency to ramble on and on;
probably some of the time on purpose .
Perhaps he reminds me of myself !

The religious aspects involved ?
Also ingenious .

But I also show casually, a powerful ardor
for poetry .
For verse,
for anything offbeat .

I never seem to be able
to make a choice in life .

" But stronger than his knowledge was his love
.. his devotion, his fear of losing ...
Had he ever lost his heart to anybody so completely,
had he ever loved anybody so much, so blindly,
so painfully, so hopelessly and yet so happily ? "
~ Hesse 121 ~

it's called sarcasm

286 .. and counting .
After everything I have done,
my love for you has only doubled .

That is all I will say on that .

Reality or not, it likes looping endlessly, every night;
always leaving very arbitrary remarks;
marking ambiguous gestures, laughing in agitating narcissicm .

I am thankful to have friends who will listen to me ..
even if none of them talk to each other .

Face it .
You are nothing without me .

Sarcasm ?
Much .
Figure it out .

Everything is separate .
Some of them go together .

All that krap about persevering,
about not giving up on your goals ...
It doesn't work .
It only makes you more susceptible
to the pangs of failure
and the debility that constantly makes you feel weaker .

" You know, we just don't recognize the most
significant moments of our lives while they're happening .
Back then I thought, well, there'll be other days .
I didn't realize that that was the only day . "
~ Field of Dreams ~

I hope you know and will remember,
that I am a good person .

I just got mixed up in the wrong drama,
with the wrong grrl,
at the wrong time,
in the wrong universe .

revisiting a neglected desire ( or twelve )

I remember saying that I would try not to laugh when I really shouldn't .
If you don't, it went something like this .

I found the perfect article on WikiHow .
And this one might help, as well .
Check them out if you have a similar problem .
I have read both of them; they are superb .

Or you can look for a different approach,
if perhaps you don't laugh nearly enough .
WikiHow is useful for all situations .

Be creative .

~~~~~

I now shall check up on my New Year's Resolutions,
and see if I have made any progress at all .

Ironically enough, I typed Revolutions acc1d3ntally at first .
This year's goals, copied and pasted ( without the parenthetical notes-to-self ),
and how I have been doing on them so far :

1. To keep my Resolutions .
} Err .. shall I come back to this one ?

2. To not screw anything up this year .
} Failed ! Next ...

3. To revisit my days with Lenna .
} Limbo . Not quite yet, but there is still plenty of time left in the year .

4. To get a 4.0 !
} Limbo . I am pretty close, or at least much closer than I have ever been before .

5. To sleep less .
} Passing ! I feel pretty confident with this one .

6. To finish my blog .
} Passing ! I might be a few posts behind, but I can surely do it . Just watch me ...

7. To face my fears .
} Limbo . I'll say I have tried, but I still have a whole lot of insecurities .
} Oh, in a manner of speaking ? In that case, Passed !

8. To develop a System .
} Limbo . I'll get to that at some point in the undesignated future .

9. To read a Chapter a day .
} Failing . I am about a month behind . I will put in much more time on focusing on reading and writing, though, when school is coming to an end, or has ended .

10. To watch less television .
} Limbo . I never really watched that much to begin with .. but I suppose I have been watching less, if only because my siblings won't let us get caught up .

11. To leave / make more time for writing .
} Passing ! I have definitely done this .. and I feel much better because of it .

12. To be more confident .
} Errrr .. yeahh . About that ... Let me think .
} Let me think hard and long about this one . Okay . Passing !

It being near the middle of the year,
it makes sense that most of my goals are in limbo .
But I am sure by the end of the year,
I will have established a success or a failure on each one
( and hopefully the majority will be successes ) .

So, let's tally up the scores :

One passed .
Four passing .
Four in limbo .
One failing .
One failed .

I would say, for the most part,
my number one goal amounts to a Passing !
Yay !

to pretend the world will still accept you

Happy Mothers' Day, y'all .

Don't forget to give her the love she deserves,
but which you have always failed to afford her .

~~~~~

I have learned that saying you're sorry often is not the answer .
Apology does little more than make you feel weak .

But I will give you the benefit
of hearing me say, or at least reading that I have writ,
that you were right
and I was wrong .

You were right .
I was wrong .

I do not usually speak such words,
but now they feel meaningful .
SO meaningful .

I did not have the right .
We did not have the history .
You did not have the patience .

I was out of line,
and so much so
that I couldn't even see the line anymore .

I am not sorry .
I made a mistake,
and it was for the better .
There is nothing wrong with that .

I realize that things
will never be the same,
and I am thankful
you kept it that way .

It would be a waste of time
to regret having made them different .

" Speak when you're angry,
and you'll make the best speech
you'll ever regret . "
~ Laurence J . Peter ~

~~~~~

To cry, is to release your hold on reality,
and to forget you ever had dreams .
It is to forgive your temper,
and to empty your heart of grievances .
It is to pretend the world will still accept you,
and to imagine yourself another chance .

One by one by one by one by
one by one by one by one by
one by one by one by one by
one by one by one by one by
one, all of my ties to reality
are breaking down .
The knots are loosening,
and I can feel myself
losing,
losing my grip,
falling,
falling back into wherever I was
seventeen months ago .
That can't happen,
can't happen .
I will not allow it .

This can't be happening .

Ostensible = ( from Tundra ) " having an intention
that is possibly but not obviously true "
= me and my blog .

a little anecdotal doodle I drew up

Coincidentally ( that is to say, that one thing coincides with another, or that two incidents are connected; not that it was a coincidence, per se` ), both of my lockers are numbered 283 ( not on purpose either, as I used the same P.E. locker as last year ) . Other than that, I see no significance to the number .

But I will make use of it by scanning in a little anecdotal doodle I drew up . It is no masterpiece, just a sketch .. but it conveys a message . And that is the most important part .





Oh yeah, and today's date adds up to seventeen .
( 05 + 12; ignoring the 07 )

going back to a classic painmonger

" Because Of You "
by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust
not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid

I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break,
when it wasn't even whole to start with
.....

I watched you die,
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young,
you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
for the same d4mn thing

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid

~~~~~

" Saying I love you
is not the words I want to hear from you .
It's not that I want you not to say,
but if you only knew ... "
~ More Than Words ~

worrying about people we don't care about

" I think we spend too much time
worrying about people
we don't care about . "
~ Hoshi ~

Trust is a tricky and fragile art .

One of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned,
is that you don't want people to know you like them .

Just like them .
And if luck will have it,
they will like you back .

Letting them know is not in your best interest .
It will only induce a suspicion in their heart
that you will not be able to undo .

Simply let everything come naturally ..
with the exception of keeping
any mention of your ardor all to yourself .

It took me the longest time to learn that,
and I do not want to ever have to learn it again .

" We'll love you just the way you are
if you're perfect . "
~ Alanis Morissette ~

crossing a river without a boat .. randomosity

" Home is where you hang your heart . "
~ Anonymous ~

" Try not to be a man of success,
but a man of value . "
and
" No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent . "
~ El Dorado Inn ~

I don't take d|2ugs .
I don't drink a1coho1 .
I am just a bad person .

Don't think you can do anything ..
because then you will lose all reason to try .

Life without love
is like crossing a river without a boat .
It is possible,
but you have to get your hands wet
and work much harder,
and no one will want to help you .

Once you achieve the capacity to love,
you unlock the doorway to delight .
Once you close the door behind you,
you learn the imminence of spite and animosity .

Knowledge is hearing what they have to say .
Wisdom is having the knowledge to listen .

My heart lies with one .
My mind lies with another .
My sympathy lies with whomsoever
needs it the least .
But the one I can not and will not
ever forget, is the one with whom
lies my regret .

A poem I enjoy,
written the eighth of May
( Sshh .. 17 lines ) .

Yesterday was Corinne's birthday .
And Monday was my father's .
Happy days, family !!

I don't know .
Something inside me jumped .
I just felt like running .

Gam zeh ya'avor .
Shikata ga nai .

the tongue of flame ( among other obscurities )

Love is always an acc1d3nt .

Excuse me,
for thinking our relationship
ought to mean something .

Commendable .
Congratulations,
I love your writing .

What gives her the power
to reduce me to such anger,
with one gentle turn of her lips ?

Stumped ?
That means a smile .

I am sixteen now,
as of the seventh of May ...
It is only one more year
before I turn seventeen .
And what will that fateful year hold for me ?
" Will I lose my dignity ? Will someone care ?
Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare ? "

Oh yes, of course .
The second of May
was It 5ucks Day ...
the one day of the year
when you celebrate how much your life 5ucks .
How could I have forgotten ?
And how can I ever make up for it ?

And yesterday ..
the eighth of May ..
was to be an apocalypse .
Said as if there could be more than one ...
Well, guess what ?
You were wrong, mister .
The apocalypse never came .

You are out of luck .
And I am skeptical .
The world did not end when you expected it to .
Just as, when I expected to end my misery,
nothing could have made it hurt
any more than did what I chose to do .

7 + 2 + 8 = 17 .
These special days
did not mean nothing .

" None of these things were acc1d3nts !! "
says the wedding crasher .

Then, does it follow
that none of these things were for love ?

three times in the past ... sound familiar ?

" Disarray "
by Ghostbust
( approx . 2:45 without pauses ;
written in August )

[ I have already posted parts of this song
three times in the past ...
Now you get to read ( and hopefully hear, if you ask )
the whole thing, in its entirety . ]

[ Verse 1 ]
I remember when
the game of life had just one rule .
You didn't have to think
to figure out just what to do .
One time I rolled the dice,
and they showed a double two .
And four spaces ahead was you .

[ Chorus ]
I said, hello there lady .
I'm tired of this waiting .
My confidence is fading,
and I need you as my baby .
I've done some things,
I've said some words
I didn't really mean .
But now all I need from you is you .

[ Bridge 1 ]
And then one fateful day,
you threw it all away .
I thought that we had something,
but I guess I was mistaken .
And now in disarray,
I think about you every day .
I love you in an extraordinary way .
But do you ?

[ Verse 2 ]
Now I've got a spinner
and a couple decks of cards .
I never would have thought
that such a game could be so hard .
And now that I have lost you,
I cannot go very far .
' Cause all I need to win is you .

[ Chorus ]
I said, hello there lady .
I'm tired of this waiting .
My confidence is fading,
and I need you as my baby .
I've done some things,
I've said some words
I didn't really mean .
But now all I need from you is you .

[ Bridge 2 ]
And on that fateful day,
when you threw it in my face;
I thought that we had something,
but I guess I was mistaken .
And now in disarray,
I think about you every day .
I love you in an extaordinary way .
' Cause all I need from you is you .
Just you ....

some unfinished business

Era ayer el Cinco de Mayo .
And its date adds up to 17 .

Is nothing sacred ?
Just an interesting idea, that's all I thought .

Why must I make a big deal out of everything ?
Because it sounds the best that way .

Why must I deprecate myself ?
So I don't have to listen
when you try to do it for me .

Why must I hide from the truth ?
Because it shows the world as it is,
not as it ought to be .

I am, though, running out of hiding places .
Soon I will have to expose myself
to everything I never wanted to believe .

Why must I remind myself to be strong ?
Because nothing should have to hurt,
unless it teaches me a lesson .

Why must I allow myself to make mistakes ?
Because to accept failure,
is to be aware that success is possible .

I live to write,
I write to give,
I give to fight,
I fight to live .

I have some unfinished business to take care of;
all I need is the opportunity .

following a nice tall glass of water

I'm sorry .
I'm so sorry .

I'm sorry I told you
what ever I did .

You don't want me
to follow through .

It is in your best interests
not to listen .

I must be honest,
or at least display the twisted
honesty that I know .

I am a hypocrite .
And the voices in my stomach
are telling me
I need to get some sleep,
following a nice tall glass
of water .

Just know that
I am too strong
for my own good .

And that I am
telling you this
for yours .

love is what I know, love is what I'll call it .

Why are her posts
always filled with questions ?

Where is this sudden inspiration
coming from ?

What makes these feelings
flow, flutter, fly, so fleetingly ?

How does one second
work miracles on the heart ?

How can one instant
conjure up such magic ?

What is it called ?
Or does it have a name ?

Try love .

Love is what I know,
love is what I'll call it .

But how am I so sure ?
I said the same thing once before,
concerning another 17 .

How can I consider myself
strong, when picturing her
makes me weak ?

Why must I make myself
feel the guilt
of being so quick to blink ?

Blink, to be sure
that my wildest dreams
really have come true .

Living in a dream
may not be the most moral manner,
but it sure feels good .

Good ? An understatement,
of course . But I could go on
for a lifetime listing synonyms .

I might as well,
for I will need to wait a lifetime
for the time of my life .

Why, when I try to keep it simple,
does it only continue to become
more and more complicated ?

In truth, I am not really trying .
I can't help but listen,
when everything I live for
is telling me to change
the very core of who I am .

And yet I can't .
At least not yet .
I can't,
physically,
mentally,
socially,
or emotionally .

I can't do any more
than keep walking
home .

My throat dries up,
and my eyes
divert themselves
in a sudden euphoria,
an instantaneous,
spontaneous,
momentous rush
of ecst4sy .

Is it
for better,
or for worse ?

And yet I can't
settle down, either .
There is no way
I can calm
the stirrings
that dwell halcyonically
in my soul .

although I ought to think 17 times

I saw her .
Right now .
At 7:28 .

My heart is beating soo fast .
My mind is racing like no other .

Should I go back ?
Does she remember me ?
Would she care ?
Could I risk the consequences ?
Can I handle the pressure ?

" Most people have the will to win,
few have the will to prepare to win . "
~ Bobby Knight ~

I let Fate make the hard choices for me .

~~~~~

A half an hour later ...
It is dark now .

I feel bad for wasting another opportunity,
but I know ...
Or, I did know ...

Now I think twice .
Although I ought to think 17 times .

I am afraid
I will run out of chances .
That one of these times,
or one that has yet passed,
will be the last .
That I will run out of ways
to compensate .

She looked at me .
Though not nearly as much
as I looked at her,
and she certainly did not have
the same longing in her eyes .
Hers was replaced
by a twinkle .

a sententious tendency to falter

Only 17 left, until I can relax .

" His brain seemed to be in limbo ...
It would be insane to do the thing
that he was so strongly tempted to do ...
He was trembling [ ... ]
but [ he ] thought of [ her ] anger,
and [ his ] jeering face,
and a reckless daring seized him . "
~ HP 5, 640 ~

This is why I read
every letter of every word,
always looking for the shadow of myself
imprinted implicitly beneath
their twirling lines and crevices .

Writing is an art,
and often underappreciated .
Do not take it lightly .

Acronyms are fun sometimes .

Oh, my temper ?
I don't know what you mean .

Care to back away ?
I might just erupt again .

I try to change when I find myself in the wrong,
but I have a sententious tendency to falter .

Try riddling that one out .

When executed correctly,
a miracle is no more than
a dream in a brainstorm .

A happy birthday
to Kelsy,
to Kim,
and to Suzie .

I
feel
so
disconnected
.

Talk about the dizzies .

a whole lot of options .. with a side of misconception

( 17 letters in triplets,
from A through Z . )

A :
You no longer have
the privilege to know
how I feel toward you .

B :
I have a desire to do
what I know I would love,
just to see your reaction .

C :
These feelings are not
as strong as I once claimed
they were, but I am still anticipatory .

D :
I am glad to know I have
someone like you, who knows
who I am and doesn't mind it .

G :
You have always been there,
from the night it all started;
cliche`, but still effective .

J :
Your comments I overhear
are no less suspicious
than the look your partner gives .

K :
I like the spirit you once had
for what once was strong,
and now has been long lost .

L :
I try not to miss what we used to have;
and after a few years, it takes less effort
than what has taken only a few months .

M :
I won't deny how splendid you are,
but I wish you would be as good to me
as my dreams are to my ego .

P :
I don't have much to say to you,
but I know a certain someone
who wouldn't mind a word or two .

R :
It's interesting, how quickly
things can change; in the blink
of an eye, it's gone .

S :
You have a way, an ability
if you may, to make even the most
mundane worth laughing about .

T :
I appreciate the compassion
you give, even when it
is hardly yet needed .

V :
You tried, even when she
was urging you against it;
and that is noteworthy .

X :
I think my new opinion
has shed light on the truth,
and filtered out the irrelevant .

Y :
It's been rough, but I believe
there is something here
that carefully, we can exploit .

Z :
I will always be here to save you,
whenever the world
goes against your soul .

( Sorry, fine quo, wh ...
I only had a certain amount . )

the foul words you hear behind your back

" Close Your Eyes "
[ written last year for my multi-genre paper;
minor edits made ]

Close your eyes.

Imagine a world

where people are judged
based solely on their race,
the color of their skin.

Imagine a land

where whites look down upon blacks,
and force them to work,
force them to breed
just to have more workers.

Imagine a hill

where crossing the street is a crime.
Where whites b0mb the blacks' houses
with no feeling of guilt.

Imagine a school

where the prom is cancelled
because the principal
will not allow mixed couples.

Imagine yourself

a black child in a white neighborhood.

Imagine the mob

that follows you to school.

Imagine the names,

the foul words you hear behind your back.

Imagine being lynched

solely because of your race,
the color of your skin.

Now open your eyes,

and look around -

at the world,

the land,

the hill,

the school,

the mob.

Prejudice is real.
So are you.

Think about it.

never has to worry, never has to cry

" I Am a Jew "
( What else would I call it ? )
[ written two years ago;
minor edits made ]

I am a Jew,
placed in the back of class,
banned from parks,
beaten up in the streets.

I am a Jew,
marked with the Star of David,
a yellow armband;
books and buildings burned.

I am a Jew,
imprisoned;
near nothing to eat,
even less to drink.

I wish I were a bird,
free and graceful;
never has to worry,
never has to cry.

I am a Jew,
stripped nak3d,
shaven completely;
treated like garbage.

I wish it could end,
the pain and suffering;
the gas chambers,
the human ovens.

I am a Jew,
digging my own grave.

The Naz1s are gone;
an escape plan.
I crawl through the fence.

For once, I can say
with some sense of dignity,
I am
a Jew.

a series of quartets .. some meaningful, some just plain mean, the others not worth mentioning

I wondered why I've so suddenly
run straight out of ideas .
Now I see that it's because
I have lost my main inspiration .

My motives have gone missing .
I have no reason to want to think .
There's nothing in these feelings
I no longer understand .

I am tired of not being able to help .
I want to fix you .. but if I try,
I'll break you again
by holding on too tight .

I had no problem
wearing my heart on my sleeve,
when I was not afraid
I would drop it .

One and the same .
Two is plenty .
Three is a crowd,
for to keep you company .

You wanted to see me with a temper .
Well, now is your chance .
Too bad by the time you see me,
you will have lost it .

Later will be now,
now will be then,
and then will be just another
day gone by .

Think on your feet ?
No wonder it is so hard .
I think better when the wind
blows hard enough to knock me over .

" Someone once asked me how I wanted
to be remembered . All I could say was,
' If my friends and family think of me and smile,
I'll know my life was worth it . ' "
~ What I Like About You ~