6 billion other guys; 17 get it

" There are six billion people in the world .
There are seventeen smart ones . "
Thank you . for once you said something smart .

" Life is just sh17 in general . "
You too . although it is not abnormal .

" The only thing we know about the future
is that it will be different . "
" The best way to predict the future is to create it . "
" Never mind your happiness;
do your duty . "
~ Peter Drucker ~

I believe that there are answers ..
it's just a matter of finding them .

I'm not like those other guys !

SkepDic.com could come in handy ..
as could David Ruth .

Mind over matter ..
placebo and nocebo .
The mind is an amazing place .

Apocalypse . 050807

" How to Save a Life " by
The Fray has really nice lyrics .
It even sounds good in Spanish !!
( As if anything doesn't .. )

Primero dices, "debemos hablar" .
Anda . Dices, sie`ntate y ha`blame .
Sonri`e corte`smente en tu` .
Miras corte`smente por e`l .
Alguna ventana a su derecha, cuando va dejo` .
Y permaneces entre las li`neas de temor y culpa .
Y comienzas a preguntarse por que` tu` vines .

Cua`ndo equivoque` ?
Perdi` un amigo en algu`n tiempo en amargura .
Me habri`a permanecido contigo toda la noche,
si habri`a conocido co`mo salvar la vida .

Le dices que tu` sabes mejor,
porque a fin de cuentas tu` sabes mejor .
Pruebas a resbalar pasado su defensa, sin otorgar inocencia .
Imponga una lista de equivocaciones,
cosas que le has dicho todo el tiempo .
Ore a Dios que le oye .
Y ore a Dios que le oye .

Cua`ndo equivoque` ?
Perdi` un amigo en algu`n tiempo en amargura .
Me habri`a permanecido contigo toda la noche,
si habri`a conocido co`mo salvar la vida .

Cuando comienza a levantar su voz,
tu` bajas tuya y le otorgas una u`ltima eleccio`n .
Maneje hasta pierdas el camino,
o rompe con los ha seguido .
Hara` uno de dos cosas . Admitira` todo,
o dira` que apenas no es el mismo .
Y comenzara` a preguntarse por que` tu` vines .

Cua`ndo equivoque` ?
Perdi` un amigo en algu`n tiempo en amargura .
Me habri`a permanecido contigo toda la noche,
si habri`a conocido co`mo salvar la vida .

Guess how long that took me ..

[ I like how
I keep on going,
even though
no one cares . ]

my first agnostic Thanksgiving

It is Thursday,
the twenty-third of November .
It is Thanksgiving .

It is that time of the year when everyone is to give thanks, but few people really do . This year, I will . But oh G-d, it is hard because there are so many more things I can think of that I am not thankful for . I'll try though . I'll put on my thinking cap, and I'll think think think . Like Pooh Bear . Think think think thank thank thank ..

I am thankful : for clocks. for air conditioning. for chocolate. for Wite-Out. for having been blessed: with my fast metabolism; with my intelligence; with my many abilities, even if everyone else is too preoccupies to appreciate, or even notice, them; with my memory and my imagination. for our new silverware. for those traditions that always remain the same year-in and year-out, so that even when the world is a terrible mess, I will always have something to hold onto. for those people: who wave back; who smile and say hello; who remember my name, and say it; who do not forget to notice me. for music! for bubble gum. for rice. for quality television. for quality literature. for my parents, for having made me possible. for contributions, from viewers like you. for photography. for the seventeen smart people in the world. for VFD, where the world is quiet. for color. for beautiful horizons. for the lack of utopia. for playing cards. for Monopoly. for dominoes. for my wonderful eight-month-old nephew Carter, whom I love simply because he has done nothing wrong. for Isabella. for having experienced so many feelings that my mind mixes them up. for confusion. for every second I can never get back. for every minute, every chance I can never relive. for every hour. and ironically, for every regret in my plethora. for false hope. for pure thought, wherever it is. for being so in touch with my dreams. for my subconscious. and for the Great Unknown.

but most of all, I am thankful for Ravla.

[ Post time is inaccurate because of
" technical difficulties " ]

it was given nonetheless

Figuring Out Religion : The Research
The Questioning

" All I'm saying is,
It is not necessary to deceive yourself .
You can live a more insightful life
with no strings attached . "

Apparently, God is not necessarily exactly who I thought he was . On LOST, Ben said " Two days after I find out I have a tumor on my spine that will kill me, a spinal surgeon falls out of the sky . If that's not proof of God, I don't know what is . " However, I disagree . How is that proof of God in the slightest ? It could be proof of luck, proof of karma, proof of a higher force . But then I thought, maybe that is what he meant by God . Maybe he thinks of God not as an omnipotent being, but as some sort of higher power .. And lo and behold, Wiktionary states that God can be " an impersonal and universal spiritual presence or force . " In this case then, I do believe in God . But do not quote me on that, because in any other context I would deny it . I do not believe in God . [ Around this point, my foot accid3ntally knocked off the power to the computer, and I lost just about everything due to : not saving because I didn't suppose it would be necessary, but silly me, as I should have dubbed it obvious that this darned old computer would fail me sooner or later .. So be aware that my original words have escaped me, and everything before this mark is only a rough remembrance of my true thought . As it were, continue on . ] I do not believe in God . I believe in omnipotent forces, which apparently some people think of as God . In fact, I have thought of writing a book entitled The Forces . I already have the beginning . Yes, forces with an S . I believe, more logically, in Mother Nature, Father Time, Lady Luck, and Karma, and all their little buddies . But I normally leave out their titles so as not to be seksist . Oh, and omnipotent is a word I just learned, which is quite a nice one in fact, and means " having unlimited power, force, or authority . " Now, before I begin learning about other religions, I believe it is necessary to know just what religion I am exactly . Some while ago, I decided that perhaps agnostic is not the best adjective to describe my religion . There must be something better, more precise . So I turned to my trusty old friend Wikipedia, and I paused for a moment to discern what I was looking for, as I often do when I feel I must take a moment to discern what I am looking for . Going back to the definition of agnosticism on Wiktionary, it is either " the view that the existence of any god is unknown at present, " " the view that any god's existence is unknowable, " or " the view that theism is incoherent, " as seen in ignosticism . The first two are practically the same, aside from one key factor : the first says only at present . The second implies that it can never be known . But I never say never, my dear Watson . The first one is more ME . I am open-minded . And there is a striking difference between unknown, and unknowable . I do not believe in the unknowable . I think that if I really try, I can know it . It just happens to be unknown at present . The third definition contains a few more difficult words . Theism is " belief in the existence of God, especially by or through revelation . " Incoherent means " disorderly (?), illogical, or inconsistent . " Just as agnostic means not knowing, ignostic means ignorant knowing . It means not necessarily that the ignostic one is ignorant, although this is highly possible, but that the ignostic one thinks the theist ones ignorant . I changed my mind . Agnostic is me . ( It should be noted that quite a large part of this is skeptic . )

Need more of my bio ?
Try this :
" I have one want which I have never yet been able to satisfy; and the absence of the object of which I now feel as a most severe evil . I have no friend : when I am glowing with the enthusiasm of success, there will be none to participate my joy; if I am assailed by disappointment, no one will endeavour to sustain me in dejection . I shall commit my thoughts to paper, it is true; but ... I desire the company of a [wo]man who could sympathise with me; whose eyes would reply to mine . You may deem me romantic, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend . I have no one near me, gentle yet courageous, possessed of a ivated as well as of a capacious mind, whose tastes are like my own, to approve or amend my plans . "
~ Shelley 7 ~
" With all my ardour, I am capable of a more intense application, and am more deeply smitten with the thirst for knowledge .... I delight in investigating their causes . The world is to me a secret which I desire to divine . Curiosity, earnest research to learn the hidden laws of nature, gladness akin to rapture, as they were unfolded to me, are among the earliest sensations I can remember .... My temper is sometimes violent, and my passions vehement; but by some law in my temperature they are turned, not towards childish pursuits, but to an eager desire to learn, and not to learn all things indiscriminately . I confess that neither the structure of languages, nor the code of governments, nor the politics of various states, possesses attractions for me . It is the secrets of heaven and earth that I desire to learn; and whether it is the outward substance of things, or the inner spirit of nature and the mysterious soul of man that occupies me, still my inquiries are directed to the metaphysical, or, in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world . "
~ Shelley 27-8 ~

I changed my mind about EveryStudent.com . Although I may eventually get to it, I prefer to hear not what people think of themselves, but what people think of others . Which is what I will be getting to next time . You also may want to take a look at the certainty series on Wikipedia .. and do notice that all of the quotes they have chosen are from agnostics . Quite simply, because we are the smartest . No offense ?

= 701 words,
more or less .

In conclusion,
" I ask for no forgiveness,
for I have not sinned .
" I did not ask for the life I was given,
but it was given nonetheless .
And with it, I did my best . "
~ LOST ! ~

[ I started this a week ago,
and got knocked off last night
before I could post it ]

a fiery heart, and smoky eyes

" Falling in Love "
edited by Siesta Lingo

[ I'm sad to say I didn't write this .
It was her ]

Her heart could tell at a glance, she would be falling for him.
She knows she’s taking a chance, but still goes out on a limb.
She knows he could be for real, or he could be in disguise.
Although she may have a heart on fire, she don’t have smoke in her eyes.

She learned a long time ago, that love has no guarantees.
She knows how warm it can glow, she knows hard it can freeze.
She knows that on down the line, they could be waving goodbyes.
Although she may have a heart on fire, she don’t have smoke in her eyes.

Well she used to say that taking, was what hearts were all about.
Till the day that hers was breaking, and the love inside poured out.
Somewhere there’s peace on this earth, somewhere the moon's up above.
SOMEBODY’S GOT TO BE FIRST, TO SAY THEY’RE FALLING IN LOVE.
She won’t be sorry she did, no matter what he replies.
Although she may have a heart on fire, she don’t have smoke in her eyes.

[ Damn, the English languauge is werrid ..
At first I spelled them "firey" and "smokey,"
but apparently those are wrong ..
[ Oops, I spelled language wrong too ]

[ Okay, now I'm done with this love thing
( I did say I was unsure "D ) ]

a first time for everything

Figuring Out What Love is
( Fowl ) : The Research
The Rant and the Ramble

Here's a bonus treat for you, on my eleventh month : paragraphs, finally . It's about time, you say . And yes, I will try it out . I think it actually makes me want to write more . Just try and make sense of what it all means, what I mean by all this . Just try and figure out what is important, and what is just rambling . Not that rambling is not important .. it just depends .

Rather than using a "regular" or a "normal" dictionary or encyclopedia, I use Wiktionary and Wikipedia, because I don't want to know what a small group of people think, who care only about recording the denotation .. I want to know what the world thinks . But perhaps the wikis are not pure thought either, because there are moderators that demand that only certain things be allowed on the entry page . I don't want only these certain things . I want the real deal . I am tired of censorship . I am tired of the media, skewing the general image of the world . I am tired of being sheltered . I am tired of having the channel be changed . I am tired of having to leet out certain words . I am tired of being punished because I want to know the truth . So I go to the talk page, the one place where people actually can write whatever they want .. I think . But unfortunately, not much talking goes on on those pages . And that that does is not too helpful, not too useful to my cause . On Wiktionary, RSvK says that love's "most important definition of all" was missed .. but he doesn't say what that is . So chances are, he is mocking us . He doesn't know . He just likes to pretend, he likes to say he knows . He likes to feel mysterious, he likes to seem mysterious . He likes to act like he is so much smarter than everyone else, because he is really very miserable . If he knew, he would have said so, he would have told us then, what is the most important definition of love . Or perhaps we was going to say so . Perhaps he was about to tell us, but someone stopped him . Some malicious, censoring fiend of society told him not to . Perhaps he did, but his thoughts were silenced, his words were erased, the truth was shrouded by some "moderator," who hopes it will be forgotten in a short while, who hopes that the world will remain the miserable, sheltered place that it is, and that no one will be even slightly aware of the truth . I have been reading The End, and Snicket's thoughtful thinking, allegorical life lessons, have gotten me thoughtfully thinking as well . It is often hard to tell who is good, and who is not . And it is the goal that matters, the objective, what are you trying to do . Are you good-hearted or not so much, are your wishes going to save the world or defeat it . My past is not so great . I have done things that now I regret, to which now I think, whatever the heck was I thinking that day . Oh, I have been into mischief . But so have the Baudelaires, and if you have read a decent amount of the series you probably know what I am talking about . They had to do "bad" things in their past that they are not proud of, but they had good intentions . And so do I . They want to make up for what they have done . I want to make up for what the world has done . Similar to the show Prisonbreak . You must have seen at least an episode of that . Sure, they are convicts . Sure, they committed crimes . But are they proud of them ? Of course not . Why can't anyone see what really matters ? They are running away from the law, but they are just trying to escape the bad guys . They are trying to fight their way out of this trap of a world, to somewhere where they can simply sit down safely and read a book, without having to worry about when the others will catch up and they will have to face the risk of being captured once again . And it is a shame that I only have two hours a day to express my feelings, two hours a day . Think how little that is . Think how much more I could accomplish if I could stay here typing all day and all night, without stopping for more than a little while . And yes, I could type nonstop . I am typing nonstop right now . I have so many thoughts running through my mind, there is no way I could get them all down even if I had all the time in the world . But I don't even have that . I have two hours a day . And the rest of my thoughts, I have to sustain somewhere . It's quite painful actually, sometimes . I have to try to retain them until I can finally have a chance tomorrow to let them out, to let go, to have them fly away, finally safely down and saved . Half of my thoughts are lost, forgotten . They never get a chance to fly away . It is so hard to find pure thought these days . The only true way is to go straight to the source . And the closest I can think of to that, besides perhaps an interview, is quotes . Quotes, if utilized properly, which hopefully they are, tell exactly what someone has said . A quote expresses a thought clearly, truly, purely . So I could go read some of those . But this only leads to disappointment . Quotes are often encrypted, so that there is actually no clear meaning, so that it is almost near impossible to find what they truly mean . At this point I have forgotten what I was saying . It seems I have strayed off the prompt a bit . And I apologize for that .

The word "love" comes from the Old English word "lufu" . But I don't see how that really matters, so I suppose you can just take it as a piece of useless trivia . And now my sister asks me if I am doing homework . As if homework is the only important thing in the whole world ! I say no . So soon it will be her turn . And she will do homework, that malicious word, that concept of pure evil . And now I am becoming angry . Angry that the world is so messed up, and that no one cares to do anything about it . Messed up physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually .. And now is the time I say zomfg . And he knew that another one of his times was coming on . And the world is too much to handle . Your blood boils . Your muscles clench . Your temperature rises . And your skin turns the most brilliant shade of Red . But I will not lose control . And my pronouns are messed up . You know why ? Quotations without quotations . And I am beginning to be careless with my typing . I have forgotten what should be capitalized, and where I should put an extra period . Oh my goodness, sometimes I think I need Lenna back . Just to hold me together . But that is not me talking . It must be the hormones . Oh my goodness, I know I don't need anyone . I know this is how it should be . There are no answers without pain, there is no truth without suffering . Therefore a temper is a good thing to have . Back to love, someone says on the talk page that love is man's greatest weakness . That I completely agree with . But he also says love is fake . Love is nothing more than a false feeling . I am not sure how to answer this, so I am going to answer it in both ways . I am going to answer it assuming that the real we have come to know and love really is real, and I am going to say that he is wrong . Love is in fact quite real in this real, or I suppose you could say in this realm . But the real we have come to know and love is not really real . He is right in saying that love is a false feeling because all feeling is false . There is no real . None of this means anything . It is all just a little game that the so-called God likes to play with us . You are going to die one day, and it is all going to be over . That is what Bobo is for . Bobo the hero . I like what Locke said in LOST .. " I was never meant to do anything . Every single second of my pathetic little life is as useless as that button ! You think it's important ? You think it's necessary ? It's nothing . It's nothing . It's meaningless . And who are you to tell me that it's not ? " Read this . He sees that the thought of his destiny, the button, is a total falicy . But now I am getting into religious m

yeah . and that is
oh go d. I
i am totally lost .
I will save that for next time .

In conclusion, love cannot be defined .
We can only say not what love is, but what love is not .

= 1550 words

" Love is many things;
it is varied .
But one thing it is not,
and never will be,
is unsure . "
~ Madea ~

Strangely,
I am sure about her .

There is a first time for everything .

At this point, Chewy is the only thing I am sure about .

[ I'm done with this love thing ]

[ I changed my mind .
Love is reading all 1550 of my words .
Damn, that is a lot of words ]

pick one of the questions

I watched Madea's Family Reunion ..
It was werrid ..
but it had some good morals .

There was the hottest waitress
at Lazy Dog ..

Oh yea, and I saw Marie Antoinette ..
A while ago, actually .

" You swallow prop4g4nda like a birth control pill .
By believing everything
the corporate controlled media tells you .
Free your mind .
Open your eyes .
Learn to think for yourself . "

The best way to be noticed,
is to not be there ..

How odd, that is ..

ii Soy rebelde !!

I feel like singing
old school rock ..

Ah, acajawana ..
Snazzy .

I can predict the future .
I can predict the future .

Happy eleventh month .
To celebrate,
I am changing the colors back .
The green is starting to do things to my eyes ..
but I can't leave it .

Instead, just ask .
I will tell you
two truths and one lie .
You can pick one of the questions .
I promise .

the remnants from lucidity

" The Remnants from Lucidity "
( Essentially, Part Three of
'A Regret for Your Plethora' )

Recently,
I find myself having Dreams more.
And I find myself understanding them less.
And I find my Subconscious
and my conscious minds colliding.
And I can't tell what is real, and what is not.

I see a face.
A face from a Dream.
I can see it clearly,
yet I have no idea what it looks like.

It is as if my Subconscious knows,
and is just teasing my conscious,
flashing bits and pieces of a memory
- if you can call it that -
and leaving him to rack his brain,
desperate for the whole story.

The Answers are all right there, just out of reach
- and every time I reach for Them,
They just slip further away.
My Subconscious can see Her,
but all I can do is wonder - who is She?

It is now, as I lie in bed, just pondering,
that I can't help but feel as if I have some Powers
- these emotions I can't explain.

I had a lucid Dream randomly,
I was lucky to have the experience of a lifetime
- one that most can only dream of,
no pun intended.

But with great power comes great responsibility.
And the remnants from that lucidity,
some of them are still left over,
I guess you could say haunting me.

It is now, as I sit on the bench in this vacant parking lot,
waiting for a certain someone who left me two hours ago,
I realize that I am glad she did.

I see the big, scary World around me,
and I think of what it would be like
if I were all alone out here to fend for myself.

And I feel good about it.
About the world.
About myself.
About being alone.
I feel free.
I feel content, even happy.
The crickets are chirping, the sun is setting,
the cold, cold wind is blowing
through my clothes, against my skin.
And I feel good inside.

But it is growing darker,
and it is becoming harder to see through the Shadows,
more difficult to track my pencil's path
through the once-empty lines
of a certain trusty, pocket-sized notebook.

And this reminds me of another time once,
when I had sitten on a bench in a vacant parking lot,
waiting for a certain someone who had left me two hours ago,
and I had realized that I was glad she did.
And now I look around again at the big, scary world around me,
but this time it is different.

Suddenly I feel Scared - of both times.
I am Scared of then,
when all I really had to worry about was one grrl,
but the fact that I was only eleven,
and the bitter truths of the world were
just beginning to descend upon me,
made everything just that little bit bigger and scarier.

And now the memory of that night
is just another regret for my plethora.

And I am Scared of now,
when every little thing is a threat
to the violation of my Freedom.
Not security, but Freedom.

Freedom of individuality.
Freedom to go wheresoever I want,
and do whatsoever I please,
with whomsoever I wish.
The Freedom of Good, in a World of Evil.

But I never did really have that right.
The Constitution claims to grant you freedom,
but any freedom that needs a legal document
to bind it in place is not truly Free.
Freedom is underestimated,
as with just about everything else.

Now more than ever, the World needs a Hero.
Not someone to be at the top of the World.
Just someone to get to the bottom of things.
Someone like Bobo.

with the passing of grief

[ This was actually meant to be
two separate poems,
but it all runs together,
bleeds internally . ]

" With the Passing of Grief "
( Essentially, Part Two of
'A Regret for Your Plethora' )

I'm sorry I've forgotten what I'm really sorry for.

I remember when I first met you.
It's amazing how back then,
as I retrospect I realize,
everything was simple.
We liked each other simply because
we had done nothing wrong.
There was no drama,
no hesitation,
no secrecy hidden behind our eyes.

As a matter of fact,
you were the one who said "I love you" first.
I remember it clearly.
If only you had meant it.

Why struggle with the present,
when you can remember the past and thrive?
Because we are all stuck.
There is no escape.

The memory is a fantastic friend to have.
A powerful one, indeed.
It seems my memory knows more than I.
I am not so much afraid of the world anymore;
I am afraid of Myself.
I remember things that didn't happen.
And at the same time,
I cannot remember what I said I could never forget.
I remember dreaming,
without ever having had a chance to sleep.

And I feel myself losing control -- more than usual.
My mind is racing even when my heart is at rest.
I am slipping away from reality,
losting grip of my thoughts.
My hand is sweeping swiftly, freely,
tracing the pen across the paper.
There is no thought behind these words,
yet at the same time there is infinite meaning.

I find b1ood on my hands,
once-pale skin painted red with the passing of grief.
I cut myself again.
As it washes down the shower drain,
I see my dignity wash away with it.

And what is it?
It is a word.
It is a pronoun.
It is nonspecific.
It is perfectly real, floating in existence.
It is a figment of your imagination.
It is Irio.

And as I write,
I notice things are running out.
The ink in my pen is very near the bottom.
My mind is running empty, drawing blanks.
But I call its bluff,
I know it's just a guise.
Ideas are seldom difficult to come by.
I am running out of room, room to grow.
I am running out of space, space to move freely about.

Down to the last three sheets
of paper in this old notebook,
this friend of mine,
I am naturally afraid of what will become of them.
And of what will happen afterward,
what I will do when my little yellow friend
has run out of memory.

And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I went too far.
I'm sorry I tried too hard.
I'm sorry I misunderstood.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry you misunderstood.
I'm sorry I helped you with him.

But for now I just lie down,
close my eyes,
and succumb to the deep,
dark mysteries of sleep.

And I'm sorry in advance for dreaming of you.

at the prime of our lives

[ Started the fifth night of November ]

" At the Prime of Our Lives "
( Essentially, Part One of
'A Regret for Your Plethora' )

It is now, at the prime of our lives,
although fifteen happens not to be a prime number,
that we really should pay attention.

We need to get down our thoughts,
because soon enough we will not think them.
We need to get down our emotions,
because soon enough we will not feel them.
We need to get down,
because soon enough we will not be able to.
We need to ask our questions,
let out our answers,
act on every once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Every second is a second you can never get back.
Every minute is a chance you can never relive.
Every hour, look back and think, what did you do?
What could you have done if you really tried?

It is now, as I struggle through another shietload of homework,
that I wonder, what is the point?
And I do not see one.
I do not see why we should have to do
meaningless work just to please others.
It is a blatant waste of time.
And time is something that you can never get back.
I am not learning anything from this.

As I look back, I realize I like Erickson's thinking.
She said that grades are not important.
What really matters is whether you learned anything.
Sure, I may have failed that class.
But I learned from her.
I learned how to be a good person.
I learned how to try hard.
I learned how to succeed.
I learned what really matters.

And I do not believe in coincidences.
Everything happens for a reason.
I failed that class for a reason --
so that I could go to summer school.
I went to summer school so I could meet Chewy.
I met Chewy so I could realize what really matters.
Which is not homework.

So I wonder, why can we not think for ourselves?
Why should I not be able to do as I please?
So I close the book, just for tonight at least.
I put down the pen and pack up the papers.
I push them all aside.
And I feel good about myself.

It is now, as I look into Carter's little baby face,
and I realize that he is seven months old already
and growing up fast,
that I naturally wonder what will become of him.

He will, of course, be swallowed up
into the swirling whirlwind,
the mainstream of society.
Just like the rest of us.
Unless I can save him.

And Ravla can help.
Because I know I will always have him by my side,
the sole soul I can count on.
Perhaps we can find the one ray of hope
that is still being chewed.
Perhaps we can achieve
the ultimate -- goal number 190.

But if we want to get anywhere close,
we need to ask our questions,
let out our answers,
act on every once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Every second is a second you can never get back.
Every minute is a chance you can never relive.
Every hour is another regret for your plethora.

hear the sound of my voice

Malaria stings ..

I know I'm being lied to,
and I don't like it .

" They say we only use ten percent of our brains .
I say we only use ten percent of our hearts . "

What is the difference between fear and fright ?
Wiktionary says that fright is
"usually of short duration" or "sudden,"
while fear is .. not so much .

"He tried to attach a meaning to this but could not.
He used all the bad words he could think of
in a fit of temper that passed into yawning.
How long could you go without sleep?"
"Then he tensed again."
"He had just time to realize that the age-long nightmares
of falling and death were past and that the morning was come,
when he heard the sound again."
"He caught sight of the rise and fall of his diaphragm
and was surprised to see how quickly he was breathing.
Just left of center his heart-beats were visible."
"There was a kind of heavy feeling in his body
where he had watched his own pulse."
"If only one had time to think!"
"If only one could have quiet, a long pause, a time to think!
... What was the sensible thing to do? ...
Most, he was beginning to dread the curtain that might waver in his brain, blacking out the sense of danger, making a simpleton of him."
~ Golding 171-7 ~

I like our discussions in Galvan,
and the poems that we discuss about ..
It is like, exactly what I am going through ..

" When I'm gone, just carry on;
don't mourn, rejoice every time
you hear the sound of my voice .
" Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling,
and I didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain;
just smile back . "

" I am not afraid to keep on living .
I am not afraid to walk this world alone . "

Woo-hoo . Happy Veteran's Day .

anything wrong with that ??

I watched part of The Lake House ..
It's kind of confusing
when you come in in the middle,
only to see the second half ..
but I think I got the gist of it .

My birthstone is emerald ..
^^

Joe-o-lantern and Schmon-o-lantern
left without saying good-bye ..
Werid ? Well,
at least I didn't name them Jack .

Usually,
my heart aches
and my appendix is useless ..

But lately, they have switched --
my appendix aches
and my heart is useless ..

I have gradually begun to talk
less about myself,
and more about the World .

The school rules state that
Holy Days are Valid Absences .
It says that
"these ceremonies must be celebrated
as defined by the religion during school hours."

Wiktionary says that a religion can be simply
"any system of beliefs."

Soo, hypothetically speaking,
technically I think I could make my own religion
and have it say that every day is a Holy Day
and that it is prohibited to attend school .

Anyone see anything wrong with that ??

Just a thought ..

Anaoshak says "we work so we don't have to think" ..
Could work be the alternative to thinking ?
I need to get back on this .

" The best way to cheer yourself up
is to cheer somebody else up "
~ Valencia Inn ~

" It doesn't matter who we were,
it only matters who we are "
and
" It doesn't matter who he is,
it just matters who you're not "
~ LOST ~

" Success is getting what you want .
Happiness is wanting what you get . "
~ Dale Carnegie ~

Catching up on the holidays :
The 2nd was Vivian's birthday .
The 3rd was Sandwich Day .
The 7th was KDM's 3rd birthday,
and my half-birthday .
The 8th was Evan's birthday .

bittersweet : the moments of truth

When the flowers wilt and the petals fall
to the ground with a sense of accomplishment
but mostly, failure.

These are the moments you bow your head
and all you can think is down.

Failure of a thought that could have been.
A half a smile for those that were
but mostly, frowns.

These are the moments the tears escape
and all you can do is cry.

A smile is just a frown turned
upside-down, a false hope,
a match that somehow managed to light.

These are the moments you tremble
and all you can depend on is yourself.

When you trip and fall
to the ground and look around and cannot help
but feel overwhelmingly, embarrassed.

These are the moments you bow your head
and all you can think is down.

The world is full of matches
that won't light. You go through
half a dozen boxes and you begin to lose hope.

These are the moments the tears escape
and all you can do is cry.

When the bird you swear was just outside
your window, forgets it was there.
When you get to the subway station right as it leaves.

These are the moments you tremble
and all you can depend on is yourself.

When you wave for a cab,
you see him look right at you,
but he doesn't care to stop.

These are the moments you bow your head
and all you can think is down.

When, for once someone waves to you,
you look back and see the true recipient.

These are the moments the tears escape
and all you can do is cry.

When the sun burns out and collapses,
when all the stars in the sky go out,
when an asteroid breaks the belt
and comes plummeting down.

These are the moments you tremble
and you wonder whether you can
even depend on yourself.

At the end of the world,
when no one is left.

These are the moments you wish--

Sigh.
Never mind.

through different eyes

[ Not my best work,
but still worth reading .
I like the Angry part ..
[ It was supposed to be
an Angry poem,
but I couldn't resist putting in
that false bit of hope at the end ]

" Through Different Eyes "

by Siesta Lingo

When you are Born,
you see the World through 1nnocent eyes.
You hear the World through 1nnocent ears.
You taste the World with an 1nnocent tongue,
feel It with 1nnocent hands,
smell It with an 1nnocent nose.

Eyes that have not seen.
Ears that have not heard.
A tongue that knows no taste,
hands that know no feeling,
a nose free of foul aromas.

The World is too much to handle.
Your b1ood boils,
your muscles clench,
your temperature rises,
and your skin turns the most brilliant shade of Red.
And you lose Control.

But you have Friends to Comfort you.
Friends who know nothing about you.
Friends who have never seen you before,
never heard or smelt or felt you.
But Friends who Love you just because
you have done nothing wrong.

Your Friends take you into their hands,
and Comfort you.
Time rambles on with a slow and steady pace,
not stopping for anyone,
yet not passing anyone by.

And your Friends Teach you.
They Teach you to look around through eager eyes,
and listen through eager ears.
They Teach you to reach out with eager hands,
to treasure every smell,
to savor every taste.

And you grow.
And you come to Love your Friends.
But soon you begin to Think for yourself.
You look around,
you listen,
you reach out.

And you Learn.
You Learn to manipulate.
You Learn to deceive.
You Learn to connive.
You Learn to cheat.
You Learn to steal.
You Learn to betray.
You Learn to Fear.
You Learn to Hat3.
And for the first time, you feel Powerful.

Then you make new friends.
Friends who manipulate, deceive, connive,
cheat, steal, betray, Fear, Hat3.
Friends who feel Powerful, just like you.
But soon there comes a time
when friends turn against each other.
When relationships corrupt.
And you feel Powerless.

The World is too much to handle.
Your b1ood boils,
your muscles clench,
your temperature rises,
and your skin turns the most brilliant shade of Red.
And you lose Control.

And the worst part is, this time,
no one tries to Comfort you.
Your friends Hat3 you just because
you have done something wrong.

And Time rambles on with a slow and steady pace,
not stopping for anyone,
yet not passing anyone by.
And soon you come to Realize
that you must Think for yourself.
You look around,
you listen,
you reach out.
And you grow.

And often there are times
when the World is too much to handle.
When your b1ood boils,
your muscles clench,
your temperature rises,
and your skin turns the most brilliant shade of Red.
And you lose Control.
And often there are times
when no one tries to Comfort you.

But still you stumble on with a slow and steady pace,
not stopping for anyone,
yet not passing anyone by.
and hoping that one day you will find a true Friend.

A Friend who reminds you of the Innocence that used to be.
A Friend who Loves you for who you are.
a Friend who will help you forget your Worries,
and, at least for a moment here and there,
share with you the Feeling that your mind is Pure.

Yes, on you stumble with a slow and steady pace,
not stopping for anyone,
yet not passing anyone by.
And hoping that one day you will not only feel Love,
give Love,
receive Love,
but that you will make Love.

And when It is born,
It will see the World through 1nnocent eyes.
It will hear the World through 1nnocent ears.
It will taste the World with an 1nnocent tongue,
feel It with 1nnocent hands,
smell It with an 1nnocent nose.

And you will look at the world in Retrospect,
and see eyes that have seen.
Ears that have heard.
A tongue that has tasted,
hands that have felt,
a nose that has had its share of foul aromas.

And you will look at the world through different eyes.

And eventually,
as you stumble on with a slow and steady pace,
you will stop only for the tall man in the grim, black cloak.
And the world will be too much to handle.
And you will lose Control.
But hopefully you will have a Friend,
and a little Love to Comfort you;
to help you forget your Worries,
and, at least for a moment,
share with you the Feeling that your mind is Pure.

[ I can't even write an 1nnocent poem
without my thoughts
becoming censored from the World ..
[ For just a moment in this messed-up world,
will you give me something to smile about ? (v XP) ]

the urge to approach

What do you do
when you see someone
you barely know
yet feel the urge to approach ?

What do you say to her ?

How do you explain
the Feelings
that are rising inside yourself,
like you've never felt before ?

Do you follow her ?
Do you yell across the way ?

How do you break the Barrier
of what they call Fright,
but which you know is
much different ?

How do you explain the way
you can't decide
whether you want to,
or not ?

Why do you feel
like you've made a mistake,
before you make a decision ?

How do you control your eyes
when all they can do
is follow her Lead ?

How do you find north again,
when your sense of direction
has left with your dignity ?

How can you recognize her
as soon as look at her,
even when she
is not quite herself ?

What have you wanted to say,
should have said,
all along ?
Why won't the Cat let go ?

Curiosity is a smart one ..

How do you talk about it ?
How do you not ?

How do you ask for Help,
when you're not sure
what you need it for ?

my first agnostic Halloween

Ah, it's Halloween time again ..
the one day of the year
when we reward people for visiting us .

Let's go over the highlights this year :
Chocolate is medicine for the soul .
I saw Chewy ..
I went to Portillo's for the first time .
What was I supposed to be ?
} Two months early .

Halloween is the agnostics' holiday .
Think about it .
Take a second .
*DING*
What is Halloween all about ?
Nothing the Christians believe,
that's for sure ..

Yes ! We DO have a church !
I knew it !!

" I don't want the world to see me,
'cause I don't think that they'd understand ..
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am .. "

Some people make things happen,
some people watch things happen,
and of course some people say "what happened" ..
But then there are those of us who wonder why things happen .

I am a pseudoindigo .

" It's good to use your mind sometimes "

I do everything superfluously ..
that is, in surplus .
I cross my zeros, I cross my vees,
I punctuspace ..

Honestly,
Agnostics think more .

It's October 32nd ..
Merry Christmas !!

And a very happy birthday to you, Aidan ..