a few old verses, followed by some new ones
[ This is how a man totally loses and finds himself again,
all at once in the duration of a few short hours .
Sorry if it seems really familiar .. ]
Is there a reason every time I see her face,
I lose interest in everything else,
including the one sense of dignity keeping me alive ?
Why does the slightest mention of her name
give me shivers, and tip over my heart,
to allow all these tears to spill out ?
Why is it no matter how many words I use,
nothing can express the extent of my doubled regret ?
Do you ever just .. hat3 the world ?
Like, actually hat3 it, with a passion ..
to the point where it makes you cry,
and yell and scream inside,
and bite your lips, all at the same time ?
I'm sorry that I feel this way .
I never stop saying that to myself, day after day ...
I don't know what to say or do about myself ..
except I am sorry that I feel this way .
I don't know what to tell her ..
I don't know how to live my life ..
All I know is I am sorry that I feel this way .
All I ever do is convince myself
of whatever false hope it is that keeps me
from distancing myself from the rest of the world .
~~~~~
A little redesign for Friday the 13th, of course .
I was hoping to have done it earlier,
but I only woke up a few hours ago . D:
It fits, how the moment I take away the heart in the corner,
and it feels so empty there, so dark and spooky,
today is right around the corner .
This doesn't mean I won't keep my promise .
If you ever come crying to me, I'll try .
I feel almost as if I am cheating myself,
with one excuse for a post after another,
never truly getting anywhere .
But inside I feel I have gotten somewhere .
And it's the thought that counts, right ?
Yay .
~~~~~
" O Captain ! my Captain !
our fearful trip is done ...
The ship was weather'd every rack,
the prize we sought is won ...
But O heart ! heart ! heart !
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead ...
" The ship is anchor'd safe and sound,
its voyage closed and done .
From fearful trip the victor ship
comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells !
But I with mournful tread,
walk the deck my Captain lies,
fallen cold and dead . "
~ Walt Whitman ~
( This is what happens when you clean your room .
I have the tendency to feel I have
to go through every single paper .. )
Don't worry .
I'll post something meaningful one of these days .
all at once in the duration of a few short hours .
Sorry if it seems really familiar .. ]
Is there a reason every time I see her face,
I lose interest in everything else,
including the one sense of dignity keeping me alive ?
Why does the slightest mention of her name
give me shivers, and tip over my heart,
to allow all these tears to spill out ?
Why is it no matter how many words I use,
nothing can express the extent of my doubled regret ?
Do you ever just .. hat3 the world ?
Like, actually hat3 it, with a passion ..
to the point where it makes you cry,
and yell and scream inside,
and bite your lips, all at the same time ?
I'm sorry that I feel this way .
I never stop saying that to myself, day after day ...
I don't know what to say or do about myself ..
except I am sorry that I feel this way .
I don't know what to tell her ..
I don't know how to live my life ..
All I know is I am sorry that I feel this way .
All I ever do is convince myself
of whatever false hope it is that keeps me
from distancing myself from the rest of the world .
~~~~~
A little redesign for Friday the 13th, of course .
I was hoping to have done it earlier,
but I only woke up a few hours ago . D:
It fits, how the moment I take away the heart in the corner,
and it feels so empty there, so dark and spooky,
today is right around the corner .
This doesn't mean I won't keep my promise .
If you ever come crying to me, I'll try .
I feel almost as if I am cheating myself,
with one excuse for a post after another,
never truly getting anywhere .
But inside I feel I have gotten somewhere .
And it's the thought that counts, right ?
Yay .
~~~~~
" O Captain ! my Captain !
our fearful trip is done ...
The ship was weather'd every rack,
the prize we sought is won ...
But O heart ! heart ! heart !
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead ...
" The ship is anchor'd safe and sound,
its voyage closed and done .
From fearful trip the victor ship
comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells !
But I with mournful tread,
walk the deck my Captain lies,
fallen cold and dead . "
~ Walt Whitman ~
( This is what happens when you clean your room .
I have the tendency to feel I have
to go through every single paper .. )
Don't worry .
I'll post something meaningful one of these days .
3 comments:
a list begins:
1. Never regret. Now, i'm not gonna go "everything has a reason" on you, but still. you learn from everything and in a way your experience makes you better, so never regret anything because then you'll be regretting growing as a person.
2. I don't get the fact that it's red now. it doesn't match the name of the blog (*green*withenvy). now i DO get the "behind the scenes" meaning...but still. it looked better green :)
3. You're right. you need some new material. don't get so (exactly!) repetitive! readers need *something* to bring them back here! haha
4. I'm SO like that. a total packrat, the few times i dare clean my room take hours b/c i HAVE to go through every little thing...and i have LOTS of papers.
~demon anarchy :)
a list begineth in its turn :
1. it's fine . everything does have a reason ! i completely agree .
2. i thought the red was one of the more obvious details .. but i guess sometimes the obvious is the most often overlooked .
3. i'm trying .. but i have so much i want to say, and i am saving the bigger stuff
4. after i go through a pile of papers it is separated into trash and keep-for-a-lil-while-longer, the two usually being about the same size
in response to #2: how is it obvious? i really don't get it. do i get a hint or something?
in response to #3: well why don't you get to the big stuff already?
in response to #4: my trash pile is usually bigger.
~demon anarchy!!
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