at the prime of our lives

[ Started the fifth night of November ]

" At the Prime of Our Lives "
( Essentially, Part One of
'A Regret for Your Plethora' )

It is now, at the prime of our lives,
although fifteen happens not to be a prime number,
that we really should pay attention.

We need to get down our thoughts,
because soon enough we will not think them.
We need to get down our emotions,
because soon enough we will not feel them.
We need to get down,
because soon enough we will not be able to.
We need to ask our questions,
let out our answers,
act on every once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Every second is a second you can never get back.
Every minute is a chance you can never relive.
Every hour, look back and think, what did you do?
What could you have done if you really tried?

It is now, as I struggle through another shietload of homework,
that I wonder, what is the point?
And I do not see one.
I do not see why we should have to do
meaningless work just to please others.
It is a blatant waste of time.
And time is something that you can never get back.
I am not learning anything from this.

As I look back, I realize I like Erickson's thinking.
She said that grades are not important.
What really matters is whether you learned anything.
Sure, I may have failed that class.
But I learned from her.
I learned how to be a good person.
I learned how to try hard.
I learned how to succeed.
I learned what really matters.

And I do not believe in coincidences.
Everything happens for a reason.
I failed that class for a reason --
so that I could go to summer school.
I went to summer school so I could meet Chewy.
I met Chewy so I could realize what really matters.
Which is not homework.

So I wonder, why can we not think for ourselves?
Why should I not be able to do as I please?
So I close the book, just for tonight at least.
I put down the pen and pack up the papers.
I push them all aside.
And I feel good about myself.

It is now, as I look into Carter's little baby face,
and I realize that he is seven months old already
and growing up fast,
that I naturally wonder what will become of him.

He will, of course, be swallowed up
into the swirling whirlwind,
the mainstream of society.
Just like the rest of us.
Unless I can save him.

And Ravla can help.
Because I know I will always have him by my side,
the sole soul I can count on.
Perhaps we can find the one ray of hope
that is still being chewed.
Perhaps we can achieve
the ultimate -- goal number 190.

But if we want to get anywhere close,
we need to ask our questions,
let out our answers,
act on every once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Every second is a second you can never get back.
Every minute is a chance you can never relive.
Every hour is another regret for your plethora.