a dare and a dollar

Never could you imagine
how it feels to a writer
to have written so much,
and to have it taken away .
Just like that, in the blink of an eye .

And to be sitting there,
waiting for it to come back,
wondering if you would ever
see those words again,
just as they were before .

And to be in such a state of panic,
not knowing whether to pray,
or to cry, or to smash the screen in,
and to just have to watch
as all of your work from the past hour
is gradually,
painstakingly laggingly,
lost .

And then to think you have yet
another chance, and to have that
stolen from you, erased
before your very eyes .

And to realize you must face
the choice, of starting all over again,
and having to strain your memory
to try to get every little detail just right,
or letting it go, and feeling the guilt
for the rest of your life .

Ironically enough,
this was because Blogger was
inserting a new feature :
automatic saving .
every minute .

So if I would have simply
waited one more hour to begin,
there would be no problem .

I suppose I will start all over again now,
as I do not want to have to face another
disappearance, like that of the
rain comment, again .

It might not be perfect,
but I will try my best
to make it pretty d4mn close ...

~~~~~

[ post finished, from here onward, on May 23, at 4:32 p.m. ]

" I have a right to my anger,
and I don't want anybody telling me
I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be,
and that something's wrong with me
because I get angry . "
~ Maxine Waters ~

The pledge ...
Often the one serene thing that gets me through each day .
The one thing that never changes, that endures time .
The one thing I can trust, can count on .

When I reenter reality just in time
to sight the doleful tragedy of tears,
I pause and wish I could do something
other than sit, and watch, and wonder
whether it could be any simpler,
or any more insufferable .
I smile, imagine, and think of a time
when we can share this empathy,
a time that will never come .

~~~~~

I should be ticked off..
I should be frustrated..
I ought to break down crying...
But I think I'm finally happy.

" He was not happy . He was not happy .
He said the words to himself .
He recognized this as the true state of affairs .
He wore this happiness like a mask
and the grrl had run off across the lawn
with the mask and there was no way
of going to knock on her door and ask for it back . "
~ Bradbury 12 ~

How true .
Oh ..
just oh,
how true .

My birthday means something more now ...